White and pink stilettos - Lavender
by RosalindAnnaBorelli
Summary: OS. After the war, Lavender's thoughts on her life : her relationship with her single mother, her childhood, her girly tastes, her memories of war, her scars, her dreams, what makes her a Gryffindor, who she had been, who she is now and how she managed to heal from the war.


Hot pink had always been her favorite color. Always.

Lavender was as girly as possible, which made Mrs Brown sooo proud of her girl.

Of course, she'd have love her daughter even if she'd have been a tomboy, but look, such a long hair, and her rosy cheeks were perfect with this exact tone of pink !

Lavender. She was doomed to be a girl fond of dresses and pink and glitters and ribbons and stuff. That was obvious ! Mrs Brown loved the idea.

Her daughter should take care of her skin, she had to smell like roses and look like an angel. To have her hair cut ? How absurd it was !

So, Lavender had long hair, she smelled like roses, looked angelic and was such a sweet girl. Sometimes she wondered how life would have been if her father never left. She would have been a daddy girl, perhaps.

"You could be a model, you have to !" her mother always said when they were taking tea with her friends, always boasting.

Lavender didn't mind. Mrs Brown was not perfect but she was still her mother, and surely she wanted the best for her.

She grew older, surrounded by Witch Weekly, Hogwarts' studies, some friends, an obsession about her weight, a crush on her DADA professor and an overwhelming mother.

At seventeen, Lavender lost her father. It changed everything. She didn't know him, she was barely two when he left and the only thing her mother said about him was "Josh, that old bastard" when she couldn't manage to make ends meet as easily as she thought previously.

Lavender cried all summer. Her mother didn't understand, neither did Parvati. He left them. Not like he was a loving father. He just ran away.

But he let her all his belongings in his will. He cared. It was just... Her parents were so young when she was born. He wasn't father material, that's all. At twenty years old, changing diappers and feeding a crying creature could be tiresome.

Her mother always said she was not, but Lavender wasn't stupid. She was unwanted, unexpected and she knew it. Sometimes it hurt.

When she came back at Hogwarts for her last year, she was different.

People didn't find her childish or girlish anymore. The new Lavender was darker than ever. She was low-key, wore second-hand robes and talked only when asked.

She dreamt she had more chance in her life. She'd love to have parents as warming as the Weasleys or as sensible as the Patils. Responsible people you could turn to during a war.

Lavender was full of insecurities and her mother... Well. She gossiped, chatting about new trends, cute musicians and scandals. Lavender didn't want a friend, ready to party or have fun. She yearned for a mother, a family. Samantha Brown couldn't give her that. The DA had. The members were understanding, they shared the same worries and fears. There was always someone to listen, to comfort you. They cared. They were what she had always wanted : a family.

They were loving and easy to love. Her mother was, sure, but that was not the same. For once, she felt safe. She felt safer in a school ruled by Death Eaters as long as she had the Army, than elsewhere with her own mother. It ashamed her, but things worked this way, no point in denying it.

She was a part of something bigger, a member of a family.

Now, the war was over. And something was amiss. Her family was falling apart, forever. They couldn't bear the losses. They couldn't heal while counting the ones missing. They had to learn how to live again and maybe then, they'll gather.

The years following the war, Lavender met a few men, whom, like her, wanted to forget. She didn't love any, they were just here when she needed it, a step in her healing program. None of them looked at her like Seamus did currently. They just used her as she used them. A reminder that they were alive.

Lavender had been thought as a lot of things in her life, but certainly not shy. Yet, looking at the mirror in her bedroom, she looked unsure. She felt young, younger than she was. She wore a white summer dress. Very feminine. Her mother'd love it.

She hesitated. Pink was not the colour of the new Lavender. The new Lavender would rather wear black or grey. But now she didn't feel like the new Lavender. She didn't feel like the old one. She felt like an other Lavender, a bit of both the previous two and something more.

She had almost died when Greyback... She shivered, bitting her lower lip. The memories were atrocious. Slowly, she turned. The mirror reflected her right side. She took a step back.

Something in her died with the Greyback episode. She wasn't as pretty. She was ugly, even and she dealt with that.

Her mother didn't say it, but her reaction was enough. Oh God ! Your face, my poor girl ! Do you thing surgery... ?

Even Parvati, her best friend, was not at ease with the damaged part of her face.

And for once, Lavender didn't care. Appearances. Illusions. She decided she was above that.

She was not as attractive but it was the case of several people after the war, and some were more than willing to forget all that with whoever they find.

Now she felt better. She felt good : it was a cool thing. After years -they were now both 24-, Seamus came back to her. They were a couple at the end of their seventh year at Hogwarts but had soon understood that they needed time alone after the last battle. They were too broken to make it work right after that. They had to heal if they hoped for a brighter future, and they had to do it alone.

Seamus chose to leave. He had some family in Ireland he hadn't seen for ages he wanted to visit.

He stayed there longer than he had planned. And suddenly he was back here, and he had asked her out.

Lavender wasn't sure. Maybe she should keep her hair down. It'd hide her scars. She didn't care about appearances. Not anymore. But she did care about Seamus.

She wanted to impress him. Badly. She sighed. A Gryffindor is proud of her scars, she mumbled. She remembered hearing Granger said that after someone asked if she planned to keep them as a trophy.

Granger was certainly not her dearest friend but she saved her life and on the topic of scars she was probably right.

Lavender nodded at herself. She wanted Seamus to see her as she was. She sincerely wished it didn't matter that much for him. Because, you know, she may have a crush on him. Since her last year at Hogwarts at least and... Okay. It was more than a crush. An obsession sounds closer to the truth. But really, he was special. And consequently, he had a special place in her heart.

She looked for a pair of shoes. She had twenty-six pairs. Lavender -the old, the new and the other- loved shoes. At least half of her shoes fitted for a first -well, the twelth, if she remembered well- date with Seamus.

She wanted something to make her feel like she was.

Not something dark. She was not that Lavender. No cheap glitters. She wasn't that Lavender either. Those ones ? Yeah... An adult Lavender... But still the same old Lavie.

She smiled at her white and pink stilettos before joining Seamus waiting for her outside. Hot pink was her luck colour.

He took her hand at the second their eyes met.

The scars didn't seem to bother him as he kissed her passionately in the middle of the street after their next date.

Two years later, he proposed. She said yes.


End file.
